


Stutter Something Profound

by throam (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, fever era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/throam
Summary: Love. It's weird. How I can love someone, and they won't love me back. Probably not anyway. It's like rolling a dice, roll a 6 and they'll love you back! Most people don't roll a 6, it's not written in their fate. A lot of people do get the lucky six, at some point or the other. I think I've found mine.





	

The first time, on the tourbus. It was entirely experimental. Wasn't supposed to mean anything. But it did. We were just curious, clueless. But your lips are like an addiction. It was late at night, Jon and Spencer had gone to their bunks. We were bored, and lonely. We'd been cooped up on a bus for 3 months. It wasn't supposed to be intimate, or maybe it was. I don't know. I remember our conversation, slowly advancing and awkward. You said you were missing Audrey, you seemed really sad about her. I listened. You said you hadn't seen her in months, you said you missed the feeling of human contact. You looked up at me hopefully and you asked. It seemed awkward, the way you asked. I thought it was a joke, until I saw how real your emotions were. I remember thinking 'What could happen, it's only a kiss'. Apparently a lot can happen.

 

It's been months since then. You broke up with Audrey. I broke up with Jac. Hardly a coincidence. I tasted you on my lips that night, couldn't get rid of it. I avoided you, for 3 days. It sounds petty now, but then, it was different. I thought I was doing something wrong, I led myself to believe I was the reason you broke up with your girlfriend. You appeared in my bunk, late that night. You climbed into my bed. I was confused, before I could ask, I was paralyzed with your kiss. Your touch made me numb, my thoughts turned to haze. I'd kissed boys before but this was something else. Static filled my ears. You parted our lips and left without a word. I couldn't sleep that night, couldn't rest. 

 

The day after that, I needed more. Before the show. I pulled you into a storage closet, locking the door. I pressed my lips onto yours longingly, you pushed me away. "Is this really what you want?" You asked me, your eyes dark with desire. I could only nod before my lips were magnetically drawn back to yours. You kissed back this time, and _fuck_ was it amazing. You sucked on my lower lip, and I ran my tongue longingly across yours. It was the best feeling I'd ever felt. You grabbed my collar, shoving me against the wall, deepening the kiss, sucking on my jaw and down my neck. You left bruises, I didn't care. All I cared about was how you felt pressed up against me, better than anyone else could. 

 

It only escalated from there. Every opportunity either of us got, we'd grab with both hands. Hiding behind curtains, sneaking into bunks, behind the bus, in storage closets, anywhere and everywhere where we could. It never did get further in that sense, but before too long, I'd felt something. Call it a spark if you will. It wasn't just a kiss anymore, it was more. I remember asking you, 'what are we now?'. It took you a while to reply, you seemed as distant, yet as engaged as I was. 'What _can_ we be?' was your reply. I've thought long and hard about this. I never needed to. It was never just friends. Before the spark, it wasn't just friends. It was something more. Tonight, I asked you again. I asked it, 'what are we now?'. I'd decided to call it lovers. It was never official. Not until now. 'Lovers?' you asked. I smiled. It could never be less. 

 

Lovers. I like that. It wasn't just a thing we have, where we'd pretend to be in love, just for the intimacy. We're lovers. Love. It's weird. How I can love someone, and they won't love me back. Probably not anyway. It's like rolling a dice, roll a 6 and they'll love you back! Most people don't roll a 6, it's not written in their fate. A lot of people do get the lucky six, at some point or the other. I think I've found mine. It's our secret, we hide it away. Lovers. Who'd have known. If you'd never asked me to kiss you, I would never be thinking this. But you did, now I am. 

 

"Do you love me?" you asked me. It was one of the nights where we'd stay in the lounge area until 5am together. Nothing to hide from anyone. When the world was asleep, it was us and only us. Pure, uncensored us. I looked at you. Your eyes were wide and glinting in the light of the moon. "Do you?" you asked, more calmly this time. 

 

"I do" I whisper, tenderly, as if my reply could shatter glass. "I love you." I look up at you. You're now smiling. One of my favorite things about you is your smile. You're so beautiful. "I love you, Brendon" I whisper, even quieter this time. You lean forward to gently connect our lips, and it's chaste and loving, not rough and wanton. "Do you love me?" I whisper, my lips on yours.

 

"Always." you whisper back "Always, you".


End file.
